Why You Don’t Have Any Friends
Hanging onto friends throughout the transition of adulthood is not easy. We are all being pulled in different directions. Some of us have kids, while others are getting ready for grad school. Some of us have big girl jobs while others of us are still waiting tables. It can be hard to maintain friendships, or even acquire new ones while being in your 20’s. The value that comes from true friendship and community is priceless. People need people.
You care way too much about how the world identifies you. You may have graduated college, completed an internship or two and now you find yourself filling out applications for bartending jobs and shoe stores. If you’re struggling with where you are, verses where you think you ought to be it is going to be very difficult for you to be a friend to anyone. The world will mock you up to be whatever it wants you to be, regardless of your accomplishments and qualifications. However, your value as a friend is not determined by your resume. It is determined by your heart, your compassion, your wit and your loyalty. Besides, you are not the only one living in the gap between here and there.
You’re overly attached to your significant other. If you’re in a serious relationship, yay! But how seriously are you taking other relationships in your life? Friendship is often neglected when new romantic relationships form, or when our romantic relationships turn into engagements and marriage. Friendships are seasonal. They change and evolve as we change and evolve. Sometimes we go months without intentional communication to a friend, but once communication resumes it’s as if that gap of silence was never there. That’s okay! What’s not okay, is making plans or dodging phone calls from our bff because we would just rather watch Netflix with our significant other. And what’s even worse, complaining to our partner that we have no friends but we never do anything about it. Finding balance in our romantic and platonic relationships is no easy task, but it is possible to maintain and nourish all of our relationships. (Assuming they’re mutually beneficial, non-self-serving relationships)
You’re busy. Adult friendships are not as organic as they were when we were younger. You’re working multiple jobs, in school, have a family, or maybe you’re just having a hard time lately. You may meet a potential bff but the follow through just isn’t here. You exchange numbers, social media handles and maybe even speak of a few tentative dates you could put on the calendar to meet up for coffee or drinks. You mean well, but not well enough to actually make it happen. Not because you don’t want friends, or because you’re dishonest but because you’re busy.
You don’t think the kind of friendship you idealize actually exists. We all have our favorite circle of friends from some T.V series that we gawk over and fantasying being a part of. Hands down, mine would be Cece, Schmidt, Nick Miller and Winston. Because obviously I’m Jess. Assuming what we want doesn’t exist, makes it very easy to settle for nothing instead. Don’t settle. You deserve to have friends, and someone out there deserves your friendship. Putting yourself out there for cultivating real friendships is honestly more intimidating than putting yourself out there for dating! But you can do it.
How have you maintained friendships throughout what will be one of the most transitional times of your adult life? Comment below and let me know. Also, let’s be friends.