Ten years ago I was getting ready to turn 15 years old. When I look back at that age I sharply remember how I wanted to spend my time. I wanted to create anything I could, and use what I created for the benefit of others. I felt fulfilled by that. Tomorrow I turn 25. Now that I’m an adult the way I consider time has naturally shifted. It’s not about how I want to spend my time; it’s about making the most out of the time that’s left over. Now, our time is traded for so many things. Responsibility, obligations and committed schedules drive our lives – not our sense of wonder and creative spirit-. This isn’t true for everyone, and even in my own life I see this fluctuating in seasons. I’ve learned over the last several years the importance of fulfillment. Not entitlement…. but fulfillment. Entitlement is the mindset of deserving to be fulfilled, while true fulfillment is the result of working diligently in our purpose.

I wrote briefly on this the other day –

HI  I don’t feel like I have gotten into the depth of things on social media in quite a while. By depth, I simply mean – the hardiness- the trenches – the purpose. My heart is always going to feel most full in those moments. Even though I have not shared much outwardly here, I have certainly not lacked experiencing it inwardly. For the sake of transparency/vulnerability, its felt overwhelming. Not in the way one would feel gasping for air, in the middle of the ocean. But in the way one might feel stunned, looking up at a giant sequoia (Which I want to do so badly!!). Being overwhelmed is not inherently good or bad. It’s only a measurement, the true feeling that fills that space is relative. The choice is mine. I’m choosing to fill that space -whelmed- with abundance. In this space of abundance, I have to accept myself exactly how I am. Not how I plan to be in 5 years, or how I wish I hadn’t been 5 years ago; but accept myself exactly how I am today. I am enough. Truly I am. And in my enough(ness) there becomes an abundant flow of purpose for me to walk in freely. To accomplish each goal in time, to foster connection with my child and to build a sound foundation for my marriage with Eric. Navigating this, and finding fulfillment in each corner of our lives is hard. But I’m determined to live the very best life I can. ++ so should you.

How do we walk freely in our purpose, when time is minimal and resources feel dry? We learn to live in the mindset of abundance FIRST. I’m not spooked by turning 25 tomorrow. However, it does make the wheels in my brain turn. My idea of a “dream” for my life hasn’t changed much in the last 10 years. I still want to create things that will benefit others; because it fulfills me. But I’m not doing that right now. And that’s hard for me to admit, not necessarily to you, but to myself. I know I am capable of it, but something prevents me from the follow through. This is probably my 100th attempt at “blogging”. BUT HERE I AM. Showing up. Showing up despite the many times I’ve walked away, showing up regardless of the lack of perfection that’s here. If I keep waiting until there’s enough time, the right resources or a perfect plan… I’ll be 85 with the same unfulfilled dream.

 

So, for my 25th birthday gift to myself – I’m trading the mindset of poverty, and adopting the mindset of abundance-. I can do the things that I have always felt I was meant to do.